


Anti-Caffeinated Riddles

by pdot1123



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27808306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pdot1123/pseuds/pdot1123
Summary: A lack of drinks has forced me to calmly reminisce on some of my issues.





	1. Chapter 1

I have a problem. One which I lack the will to overcome. I have a terrible caffeine addiction. I have been drinking soda almost daily for the last seven years. I had always been picky as a child and had made the poor choice of deciding I hated the taste of water. So, in my parents' infinite wisdom, they decided the smart decision was to let me drink cheap and surely harmless Coca-Cola! Fast forward, and my teeth have rotted into my gums, I get angry at almost everything if I haven't had my fix of caffeinated beverages, and I can stay up for over 24 hours without little more than a light case of terminal lumbago. If I am to ever stop being a craven and a coward, I believe this addiction of mine is the first of the many issues I shall overcome.


	2. Chapter 2

I am not a brave person. I am, rather, very averse to any acts of bravery. I have often done my utmost to avoid anything which would require me to challenge my fears. I avoid bugs, large dogs, large bodies of water, women, social situations, and bringing attention to myself in any way whatsoever. What would be easy for any normal person: such as saying hello to a classmate or answering a question for a teacher, I find to be incredibly difficult. Where most people would enjoy petting a large and friendly dog, I go unnecessarily out of my way to avoid them, due in no small part to my allergy to dog fur. While most people would spend their summers in a friend's pool or at the beach or beside a lake, I close the blinds and hideaway, turning down any-and-all invitations to go swimming, both due to my paranoia about drowning, and the fact I cannot swim well, if at all.  
My greatest fear is change. I am terrified at the idea of change. Why? I do not know, but the idea of my life-changing shakes me to my very core.

If I ever overcome my phobias, I will hopefully be a happier person.


	3. Chapter 3

I have found great comfort in being alone. No one can bother me, and no one can force their world upon my own. I am at peace, and my life has peaked in its stability. All of my designs are not beholden to the opinions and desires of others, and the only person responsible for my mistakes is me alone.

I have found a great discomfort in being lonely. No one bothers with me, and no one is within my world. I am left to piece myself together, and my life has peaked in its sadness. All of my plans are worthless without someone to enjoy their fruits with, and I am the only person responsible for my mistakes.

I am unsure as to whether I should seek to be more of an extroverted person or if I should learn how to desire other people less. Either way, once I pick a path, I hope to be a bit more able to enjoy things.


	4. Chapter 4

I hate responsibility. As a child, I was often told I was smart. Whether that is true or not, I leave to other people. Either way, being upheld as something as a child prodigy earned me the great honor of having to work twice as hard. At first, I could handle it. I had loving parents in my youth, good friends beside me, and overwhelming confidence. When I hit middle school, my parents began fighting more and more often-they had done so before, but with much less frequency. It had become a daily occurrence now. Then, before I knew it, many of my friends left me behind and grew up and matured, and wanted nothing to do with someone as childish and playful as I had been. This stole my confidence. I grew more reserved and unfocused, crippling my ability to work. The teachers were disappointed and pushed me to work harder, causing me to fail more, causing them to be more disappointed, and getting them to push me more. It was a vicious cycle. Eventually, I collapsed. I stopped coming to school entirely, skipping my middle-school graduation. When I reached high school, I had managed to scrounge up a magical optimism, which I still don't understand where that came from. This was swiftly crushed by my family being evicted from my childhood home. Living on the street grounded those little pieces of optimism into the dirt, and then proceeded to shit on them. Now, a year later, I settle into a peaceable life, without responsibility, without ambition, and without happiness.


	5. Chapter 5

Hopelessness is the mind-killer. Once you lose all hope in yourself and in the possibility of your life getting better, you crash. Where once I dreamed at night of being able to be an astronaut, or be a game developer or a famous Youtuber or a beloved writer, my sleep is now silent, save for the windy void of my desires. There is no hope for me. I firmly believe that, but someone I do not yet recognize, deep down in my soul, quietly disagrees. I do not know him, but one day I hope to.


End file.
